Knocked down thirty two.....

I wrote this post back in June originally but never got around to posting it. So here it is, in August.....

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So the last month or two has been quite the disaster on the dating scene, with a total of four rejections. First one was the hardest, one I've talked about on Twitter the most probably: Oirish. 

I met him in the staff room at work. I'd just come back after a particularly heavy holiday at a skiing/music festival straight into a run of 12-midnight shifts over a weekend. It was the Saturday night and it had finally started to quieten down so around 11.20 I was sitting off waiting for the clock to turn midnight and go home. 

I was sat on my own in the room when he wandered in. He immediately started talking to me in the most incredible southern Irish accent I have EVER heard. Soft, lilting, proper "top o' the mornin to ye, tirty tree and a tird," stuff. (Ie Cork, for the uninitiated...) he just didn't stop, so full of energy and life it just completely bowled me away. (And henceforth was known as Oirish on Twitter).

God knows what we talked about but he revealed that he should have gone home at ten, and yet he proceeded to stay talking to me until midnight, despite already being an hour and half late to go home.....

He was also jaw droppingly beautiful. 

I saw him a few more times in the next week or so, a chat here over lunch, and chat there during an on call. During one of these episodes he gave me some stick about not telling him/not inviting him to one of the work nights out which was happening the next day (there was a poster up on the wall.) Of course I told him he was invited, and took that as an opportunity to add him on Facebook and message him about the next months night out as well.....

There was then a bit of flirting over Facebook the next day (the day of the night out,) and when he appeared at said night out I was pretty chuffed. I was also pretty drunk so god knows what kind of impression I made on him. The most important thing I remember about this night is 

A) kissing him

B) being in his car (he doesn't drink, was going home at midnight and gave me a lift from a bar to a club)

C) getting his phone number and it being saved in my phone as "[His Name] Legend." Yes. Really. 

Long story short the next two weeks is pretty much constant messaging and flirting. Especially one Friday night when I was out with a girlfriend, literally texting throughout the night out until about four am, despite him being in work the next day. 

We set up a date, which is not the most convenient as its after I finish an on call on a Monday night, so it starts at 10pm. We grab some food and chat for two hours, which feels like two minutes, he walks me back to my car, it's raining, he kisses me, I think "oh my god is this actually happening?" 

We talk about setting up a second date. The next weekend I go to London, he goes back to Ireland for a wedding. The chat dries up somewhat which I do think a bit odd. I really need to trust my gut, it's always fucking right!! 

Message on Monday as I've not heard much which is when he drops the bombshell.

.......He'd kissed his ex at the wedding, and so wanted to pretty much end things with me. He was completely up front about it, which is good, I guess. But still. It kinda hurt. 

Talk about gutted. I mean, this is nearly two months ago, and everytime I see him at work, everytime he talks to me, it feels like I've been punched in the stomach. Sigh. 

At said "month later work do," Oirish was there and it was the first time I'd seen him since the blow off. Predictably gorgeous. Predictably friendly, enthusiastic, wanting to talk to me. Also, annoyingly, doing it just as my second work crush walked past and dropped something stereotypically Irish into the conversation. Me and my flat mate then worked very hard, pretty much throwing myself at work crush number two but to no avail. Second rejection. 

To be fair, rejection three and four were both men I've not actually met, but both were from dating apps and we'd arranged a time and date to meet up. (Both Doms as well). First one ghosted me. After a fair bit of negotiation as well I might add. Second one pissed me off because, again, after initially talking loads, and then mysteriously going quiet - prompting me to message, revealed, AGAIN, that his ex had got back in touch and they were going to get back together. 

Two in two months is some shitty luck I tell you. Just made me rage a bit, "Why can't I get back with MY EX?" (And I know for all my bravado, this made me realise that if HR turned round to me and asked if I wanted to get back together the answer would be yes, without even having to think about it, I would say yes, YES in the blink of an eye.

So here we, 18 months on from being dumped by HR and still, deep down, he's got a hold on me. Not that I didn't really predict this, reading back my entries from just after we broke up I pretty much knew this would happen. Not that there's any satisfaction I can derive from being right. 

Still. Fall down thirty two times. Get up thirty three.